Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
