the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
