Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
