All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
