The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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