I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
