im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
