i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think weed is turning my hair brown
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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