im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
