Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
