69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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