You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
