Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
