btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
