Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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