Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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