She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
