he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
