I am in a vortex of obligation.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
