I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
