I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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