Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
