I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I want is dick and wine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
