I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
