If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
