Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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