yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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