i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pooping to opera.
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