is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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