there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
