is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you will always have a special place in my vag
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
