It's Friday. Sex?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
