I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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