wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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