Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think your dad took our porno
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
