I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
