sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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