If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
