Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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