if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
