her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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