You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
