yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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