Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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