Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
