hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
