were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was like his penis was on wheels.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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