Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
