Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
