Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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