She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
