A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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