Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
