i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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