Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
