He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
