After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
