I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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