My liver just broke up with me...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
