well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
