Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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