come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
