He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
