I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
