dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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