hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize