She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
