They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
