I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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