you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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