these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
