Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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